this is just sort of rambling stuff to get my head sorted out. Obviously I was in a shitty place this morning. My mom had guilt tripped me last night and I just felt like the scum of the earth and really low in my depression. And then I woke up this morning to see my brother making a Facebook status about Caitlyn Jenner and being a fucking transphobic bigot about it. I was so upset and I was shaking and crying and I commented saying that his comment was gross and that it made me upset since I’ve struggled with gender identity. And then I unfriended him.
And when I tried to talk to my dad about it he said that I can’t just comment and then unfriend bc yada yada let them comment blah idk. And I get it and now I wonder if I should have left my comment and not unfriended him. But I didn’t feel safe. And I still don’t. But I couldn’t just not say anything at all. I don’t know. I guess I just want validation that it was okay for me to express my disappointment and then leave bc I’m just mentally not strong enough to have my own brother throw transphobic comments in my face and have his gross friends back him up and gang up on me. I just can’t. And I can’t stop dreaming that maybe he’ll think about it or that maybe my dad will stick up for me to him and it’ll work out.
But it won’t. Because my family is disappointing.

Ren and everyone made me feel better, and I finally ate despite trying to starve myself out. But now I’m alone in my room and I just feel the anxiety and depression sinking back in. And this post will just get lost in the void and I’ll just feel like nobody hears me.