Being mentally ill is exhausting like i just want to stop being so sad and angry at myself. I want to stop looking at artists whose work i adore and feeling so jealous and gross and i KNOW i just have to keep drawing if i want to get better but it’s so hard getting out of that fucking loop of ‘what’s the point my work is shit’ and i just want validation so bad but i don’t make anything so i can’t show anybody anything. it’s a self-sabotaging cycle and i just want to kill myself and i feel bad talking to my friends about it bc it’s the holidays and i don’t want to be a burden. and GOSH Vee, it’s been MONTHS why don’t you just get past this???? like fuck fuck. i just want to kill myself. i want to exist in a vacuum so i can have a hundred years to just push myself to draw and not have to worry about work and classes and an internship and the future. 

i just want to feel like i’m important to somebody and that i am a decent person and an artist. and i just can’t bring myself to believe it and i know it’s annoying that i always need this constant reassurance and i fucking hate myself for it. i just wish that i felt like someone needed me, or that they enjoy having me around bc i hate being around myself and i’m so miserable- who wants to hang around somebody like me?? i want to die i’m so tired of this and needing validation from other people fuck fuck fuck