Everything I do just ends with me doubting myself? Like I feel sad or stressed or anxious or depressed and I cry to somebody or talk about how I want to Kill myself. And then I feel like by telling ppl I want to die I’m being emotional abusive or manipulative. So then I stop talking about it and I get even more anxious and worried and then little stuff starts to get to me and make me irritable. Like being talked over or dismissed and then I’m moody and rude and like that’s not acceptable and then I just hate myself and feel like if I talk about how I’m depressed I’m just trying to make excuses and look for attention. And yeah I want attention but at the same time I don’t bc then I’m awkward and I just am so tired and I want to die bc it’s got to be easier than this. It has to be better than being tired and scared all the time and just wanting to cry and feeling dead inside anyways. Like I feel worthless. And on top of it I don’t want to post this bc either someone will say something nice and I won’t know how to respond and I’ll feel like I’m faking it and being abusive. Or nobody will respond and I’ll feel alone and manipulative for /wanting/ someone to reach out to me, even when I know if someone does I’ll just fuck it up. There’s no winning. I can’t win. I can’t win and I just fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.