cptsdwillgraham:

a few reasons i think people with bpd and/or c-ptsd so commonly expect others to be able to “read our minds” about needs/emotions:

• when you learn that expressing a need/emotion results in punishment or is ineffective in accomplishing anything, you… stop doing it. people with bpd and c-ptsd frequently believe that by telling people what we need or what we are feeling we are putting ourselves in harm’s way, or simply that other people will not be responsive to these kinds of statements, so we try to find other ways of getting our needs fulfilled. we may also believe it is “bad” and morally unacceptable to express a feeling or need directly and feel ashamed for doing so.
• people with bpd and c-ptsd are hyperattuned to the needs and negative emotions of other people. this is something we’ve learned as a survival strategy for predicting/appeasing abusive people or for otherwise experiencing unstable social and familial environments where we had to go to unusual lengths to secure safety and comfort. we expect other people in our life to also have this skill of “reading” what we are thinking and feeling, and are confused and wounded when they don’t.
• sometimes people with bpd and c-ptsd don’t actually know what we are feeling, or what we want or need! learning that your own needs and feelings are irrelevant or “bad” will eventually lead you to stop considering them, and many of us are completely out of touch with our own emotions. we may know that what we are experiencing is painful and overwhelming, but not why, or even the specifics of what is going on internally. people with bpd and c-ptsd are frequently (or necessarily in the latter case) traumatized, and may also have learned to avoid inner experiences as a survival mechanism for avoiding painful reflections. because of this, we often don’t KNOW exactly what we feel, want or need, and are unable to clearly express it.